Readers may think that I post about all of the Bradford Exchange and Franklin Mint-type ads that run in Parade magazine, but I assure you, I have run very few posts about them, compared to how many there are. I assume they must give a pretty good return on investment from Parade's elderly readers or they wouldn't keep showing up week after week.
I'm not even writing today about this ad because of the absurd product:
Yes, that's an ad for Paw Prints Plant Everlasting Love Always in Bloom® Dog Planters.
In case you can't see it well enough, here's a close-up of one of the illustrated but not photographed products (I wonder why they don't photograph them?):
As the ad says, each one is "Individually hand-crafted and hand-painted so no two are exactly alike." They have "the charm of fully sculpted puppies." Because you wouldn't want a half-sculpted puppy, right?
It doesn't say what they're sculpted from, but I imagine it's resin, and I also imagine they're made in China or possibly somewhere people are paid less than workers are in places like the Christmas village in China.
Not only that, the fake succulents sprouting from the dogs' backs are "guaranteed to look as fresh as they do today for generations to come." I am visualizing the dust that will build up on all of those little crevices over those generations.
But none of that is why I felt compelled to write this post. It wasn't even the other bits of puffy copy, claiming that "This treasure is perfect for any room — any spot that needs a bit of natural looking green and a little puppy love."
No, what got me to write this post was the size of the product (which small type tells us is approximately 6.5"W x 5.5"H x 3"D), combined with the price. This is the size of the product:
(If I'm being completely accurate, it's the skinny part of the flashlight we're talking about — not the part where the lightbulb is. Though the height does include the handle.)
And this is the cost: $59.99 to be paid in two installments, the first due before shipping, plus $9.99 shipping and service. So that's $69.98, or essentially $70.00, for a piece of plastic the size of a flashlight.
Looking through the Bradford Exchange website, I see that they have a whole range of Always in Bloom® products, some costing twice as much as this.
Whew. No wonder they can afford these ads.
Note that recipients should expect to wait 4–8 weeks after initial payment for their sculpted puppy. I guess they have to clear out the backlog of container ships that aren't docked or unloaded in Long Beach, California.
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A few other Bradford Exchange posts:
The Life of Christ in Four Easy Payments
Sophistipups: A Dog of a Bracelet
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