Monday, December 15, 2014

Introverted Thoughts

Jason Kottke today reprinted a list of rules for dealing with the introverts in your life. I guess it's from Fast Company. He seemed to think it was worth a notice, despite the fact that he's written about the topic himself in the past:
1. Respect their need for privacy.
2. Never embarrass them in public.
3. Let them observe first in new situations.
4. Give them time to think; don't demand instant answers.
5. Don't interrupt them.
6. Give them advance notice of expected changes in their lives.
7. Give them 15 minute warnings to finish whatever they are doing.
8. Reprimand them privately.
9. Teach them new skills privately.
10. Enable them to find one best friend who has similar interests & abilities.
11. Don't push them to make lots of friends.
12. Respect their introversion; don't try to remake them into extroverts.
But, to me, the thing with this list is that a lot of it is general advice for how to treat anyone who's a friend or even just, you know, a human being:
1. Respect their need for privacy. (While everyone needs privacy, the amount will vary from person to person; this is where being sensitive to other people comes in.)
2. Never embarrass them in public. (Number 8, Reprimand them privately, seems to go without saying after rule number 2. And even number 9, Teach them new skills privately, is just a part of number 2, and generally good advice for all people.)
4. Give them time to think; don't demand instant answers.
5. Don't interrupt them.
A few other recommendations on the list don't seem specifically like introvert needs to me. Maybe more like the needs of a person who has problems with transitions, which I don't believe goes with introversion:
6. Give them advance notice of expected changes in their lives.
7. Give them 15 minute warnings to finish whatever they are doing.
The only rules that seem to be truly for introverts:
3. Let them observe first in new situations. (I would add the adjective "social" before "situations," unless the writer was assuming they were social situations.)
11. Don't push them to make lots of friends. (Number 10 about "enabling" them to make one best friend sounds kind of infantilizing.)
12. Respect their introversion; don't try to remake them into extroverts.

4 comments:

Michael Leddy said...

Yes, this list is pretty shallow. Susan Cain’s book (which Kottke just bought) is pretty lightweight too. Even if it’s only $2.99, I’d borrow it from the library.

Gina said...

I have Susan Cain's book (can loan it to you, Pat, if you want)but have not read it yet. I still believe the best advice on introverts was in "The Atlantic" several years ago. I'm a total introvert, and I loved that article. http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/

Michael Leddy said...

Gina, here’s another vote for “Caring for Your Introvert.”

Daughter Number Three said...

I always come out right on the line between introvert and extrovert when I take one of those stupid tests.

One indicator mentioned in the Atlantic article (and others I've seen) is that introverts don't mind presenting to large groups but have trouble with small ones. That is clearly not the case with me -- I'm sickened by either one.

Not really afraid of meeting new people if there defined edges to the setting, but beyond miserable in a room full of people I don't know (such as a social time at an academic conference I remember attending long ago).