I Don't Want to Know

Yesterday I got an odd piece in my mailbox.

It arrived by USPS, but wasn't addressed to my household and barely looks like mail at all. It's essentially a double-wide postcard, perforated at the center. There's a nonprofit indicia in one upper right corner and a return address just to its left, and below that it says TO POSTAL CUSTOMER, but that' the only thing that looks like a mailer panel.

The rest of it is covered in messaging, and the message is about getting a free copy of some book I won't promote by naming here. But you can guess that it's probably about a right-wing conspiracy.

The card supplies its reader with a QR code, a web address, and a phone number to use to request a free copy, which can be had as a printed version or audio book on a thumb drive. You can also tear the card in half and mail it back to the senders, who are based out of a P.O. box in a small town in northeastern Oregon, just south of Walla Walla, Washington.

The garish book cover art includes a rippling American flag at the top, above a horizon line at the center of the cover with the U.S. Capitol in the middle. The title is just below the Capitol, and then in mirror image — below and upside down — there's another building that echoes the appearance of the Capitol. Is it a religious building like the Vatican? I'm not sure. I thought it was the Capitol at first, but closer examination showed differences. At the bottom of the cover is another flag, rippled into a landscape shape, with a white and yellow background and some kind of symbol. A quick search shows me that it resembles the Vatican flag. So we're going with anti-Catholic here in some way.

The card's text urges me to "survive the upcoming political and spiritual storm" with this bestselling book. (How can it be bestselling if they're giving it away for free?)

The opposite side of the card promises to reveal secrets, and asks, "What's happening in the shadows?" It lists off world domination, mandated religion, a new world order, and — of course — a prophetic conspiracy.

My favorite thing about the card is that it claims supplies of the book are limited ("Please order only for yourself"), when they have sent out this card to every mailbox along who knows how many U.S. streets, unaddressed. Which makes it very clear they've got a copy for every sucker who contacts them.

And then they'll have another offer after that, plus someone to sell their qualified list of suckers to, despite the claim on the card that says they won't share your "personal information."

Or maybe they're true believers in what they're giving away, and they'll keep your name to themselves. I don't know which is worse.