Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Best of Twitter

Twitter is not everyone's cup of tea. It's not always mine either, as I skim through retweets of people I don't follow and try to ignore football games.

But I do like it enough to keep doing it, mostly because it's a place where some very clever writing can appear at any time.

Here are some of my recent favorites:

Thinking everyone should be able to go to college: snob. Thinking my religion should decide if you get birth control: freedom.
By Pete Nicely

How exactly does Ann Romney drive a couple of Cadillacs? Does she tether them on a yoke and drive between them in a chariot?
By Peter Cohen

"Global warming is bullshit," said my neighbor who believes a man built a boat & rescued every animal on earth from a flood.
By Danny Zuker

Pretty sure the "Pinterest user and '90s Beanie Baby collector" Venn diagram would show two mostly overlapping circles.
By Jason Kottke

The New York Times is like Pinterest for stuff that happens.
By Mike Monteiro

I'm giving up "loaned" for "lent."
By Jason Sweeney

If you prefer your revolutionary graffiti artists more community-minded, you should check out Credit Unionsy.
By Scott Simpson

Someday we will look back on all of this and laugh. And then we will go back to foraging for food in the post-apocalyptic hellscape.
By Tom Tomorrow

The "pencil skirt" sounds...painful.
By Andy Kroll

57%: What's a phone book? MT @brookejarvis 43% think people randomly selected from phone book would do better than this Congress.
By Chris Steller

We made the IKEA run in less than 12 parsecs.
By Paul Ford

Pacifists are due some fat refund checks: “@RickSantorum: Government cannot force you to pay for something that violates faith or beliefs”
By ‏Chris Adams‎

Sometimes, when I don't want anyone to talk to me, I stand on a busy street corner with a clip board.
By Tim Siedell

Siri reminded me to "change the catheter" and I've never felt so fortunate to be changing cat litter.
By Daniel Jalkut

I like to imagine that the Better Business Bureau was started by disgruntled former employees of the Good Business Bureau.
By Tim Carvell

Cats only pretend to be afraid of vacuums so that you never ask them to do it.
By Bailey Siewert

I just touched my eye in a Chuck E. Cheese's. So I guess this is goodbye.
By luckyshirt

We buy animals to put inside our homes and then pay poor people to hook them to a rope and walk them outside. Civilization was a mistake.
By Scotty L.

No one should hate the rich. Everyone should hate the inevitable corruption of democracy when wealth is concentrated at the top.
By Robert Reich

Don't get a dog to see if you wants kids. Get a giant incontinent bear who just drank a keg of beer and is dragging around a dead hobo.
By Heather Armstrong

I don't know. We've done pretty well for a bunch of monkeys wearing pants.
By Frank Chimero

Watching halftime show on YouTube all I could think about: every flash going off in the crowd is someone with no idea how a camera works.
By Steven Frank

The phrase Middle Class is now a stand in for "patriotic," "tax-paying," "playing by the rules." The implication about poverty is striking.
By Ta-Nehisi Coates

For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
By Tim Siedell

2 comments:

Barbara said...

I kept interrupting my husband's intense homework grading to read the best of these to him. I told him it wasn't my fault, it was yours. Since he already knows that all the blogs that I spend my time following (instead of being productive) ultimately trace back to various posts of yours, he may not be sending good thoughts your way now...

Me, I thank you most sincerely for saving me from having to get a Twitter account of my own. But if I had one, I'd be retweeting that one about the monkeys in pants. It may be my new motto.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Oh my word, these are great. I never visit Twitter but this almost makes me want to!