Four Thousand Square Feet of American Excess

In lieu of my unprintable thoughts about harassment and assault of women, girls, and boys (in workplaces, on the streets, in our legislative bodies), today I offer a critique of an American home plan. This was in the most recent Star Tribune Homes section, one of my favorite bits of media to scowl at (a few of my past scowls can be found here, here and here).

This one is summarized in the headline as a "Mediterranean and modern mix":


It's just over 4,000 square feet, all on one level. There are four bedrooms, three of which are labeled "guest" — so those 4,000 square feet are promoted as an appropriate use of space for a one- or two-person household that has some visitors once in a while. Yet they need a three-car garage (cropped out of the picture in the floor plan).


Aside from the gigantic square footage and those three "guest" bedrooms, each with en suite bathroom, the things that irk me about this house design are:

• the huge spaces that will go unused 95 percent of the year (the formal living room and dining room)
• the absolutely gigantic "leisure" (family?) room, adjacent to the close-to-2,000-square-foot veranda,
• and especially the "private garden" outside the master suite bathroom. Check that out. 

What kind of garden can you grow inside a tight fence like that? Maybe a bunch of shade plants, I guess, or just rocks, as in a Zen garden. But I have the feeling that area is meant for the owners to be able to lounge around in the nude outside with their optional outdoor shower. Which, well...okay. But don't pretend it's about gardening.

The only good thing about this house design: you don't have to walk through the master bathroom to get to the closets. Yay!