Tweets for the Fourth Month

Oh, April. You're over so soon and with so much rain. Bye now!

Took all I had not to tell the 10-year-old that the book he read to me to illustrate how parents don't GET kids AT ALL was written by a parent.
By Monika Bauerlein

Celebrity racist coverage reminds me of dictator coverage. So much on the man, so little on the system that sustains him or people he hurts.
By Sarah Kendzior ‏

When people ask, "What time in history would you like to travel to?" I'm like, "Um, I'm a woman. I'll stay right here, thanks."
By Sara Benincasa

If you add up the historical impact, the U.S. is by far the #1 cause of the CO2 in the atmosphere:


By William Lindeke

White male journalists in mostly white male newsrooms who don't think they have agendas. Ironic.
By Jose Antonio Vargas

Each 1% increase in the top 0.01% share of income was matched by a 10% increase in 0.01% share of campaign dollars.
By Demos_Org

One problem with the new Minneapolis parking system is I can't remember a 5-digit number for half a block.
By Chris Steller

This is what a long exposure photo of fireflies looks like:


By Learn Something

Sarah Palin is what you get when a YouTube comment gets political power.
By Sr. WH Official

Laptop backwards is potpal. This is my contribution to humanity for today.
By Aparna Nancherla

Imagine a black man refuses to pay taxes, rallies his boys to take up arms against Feds. Brother would be dead before he could say "freedom"
By Baratunde Thurston

Don't let anybody tell you that manually entered data is inconsistent:



By Noah Veltman

Annoying but true: really good things happen when you work at being kind.
By Julieanne Smolinski

I love how Americans view 35,000 annual motor vehicle deaths as acceptable and unremarkable but traffic cameras as extremely pernicious.
By Angie Schmitt

The system makes it so the student's job is to gather points and the teacher's job is to offer points. Learning may be a byproduct but also may not be.
By Sisyphus38

The first & last portrait photos of Lincoln as President: May 1860 & Feb 1865:


By Historical Pictures

If you're an introspective, thoughtful person, interviews expecting you to have brilliant answers in real-time are the absolute worst.
By Matt Haughey

I reject Western AND Eastern Medicine in favor of Southern Medicine. Which is drinking this jug of mayonnaise.
By Janine Brito

Asparagus can grow up to 10" in one day, which means that you could actually sit and watch your asparagus grow!
By Wheatsville Co-op

US beef has 28x climate impact of wheat per kg. Pricing carbon would raise the cost of wheat 2%, beef by up to 40%.
By Erik Stokstad

What's the 2nd law of thermodynamics?


By Belle de Jour

If we made a Choose Your Own Adventure Book for the entirety of human existence 97% of the pages would end "You have gotten the flu & died "
By Mallory

Cycling awareness street art by Peter Drew:


By Classic Music Pics

White people found Native Americans harvesting and eating it and were like "It's not wild, nor rice, but we're calling it that forever."
By mikki halpin

The paper clip from Microsoft has fallen on hard times:


By Halloween Costumes

In apocalyptic films the familiar landmarks are the first to be destroyed; but in post-apocalyptic movies they are all that remains."
By Samuel Arbesman

My fav thing to hear is "she's a good guitar player - for a girl." Vaginas do affect your musical ability. But only for cool instruments.
By Aly Leibow

You never hear "she's a great clarinet player - for a girl" because the vagina can sense that clarinets aren't super cool and only for boys.
By Aly Leibow

Why is it that you run on a parkway but park on a runway oh yeah because you make destructive decisions.
By Aparna Nancherla

This is heart-breakingly true. Think of this the next time you subtly suggest medicating THAT kid:


By Sisyphus38

The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate its complexity and difficulty.
By Nicoll Hunt

100 nations with < 10 million people jointly have less than 5% of world population, but are 52% of UN member states.
By Hans Rosling

"...the nerdiest thing I've ever seen in my life, which undoubtedly explains why I like it so much."


By Maud Newton

There will always be a place for design agencies because the one thing you can't cultivate in-house is an outside perspective.
By Erika Hall

The jack-in-the-box has done pretty well for a toy where children open a box to be startled by half a clown's body.
By Bridger Winegar

I'm gonna guess this person meant to write tongs. Though, I could be wrong:


By Nick Bilton

A favorite definition from Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary: Impunity, n. Wealth.
By Cathy Davidson

Wanna bust ass for 2 hours and then not really be able to tell if anything got done? Clean your baseboards!
By evelyn pollins

Never ask Jesus to "take the wheel." Jesus would be unfamiliar with motorized vehicles and if he drove you'd likely die in a fiery crash.
By highly irritable

 Playground designer you had one job:


By paper folder

People are absolutely desperate to find arguments for why we can't successfully reduce poverty. Wished they just say they don't want to.
By Matt Bruenig

Muslims always asked to condemn any terrorism among religious brethren, so I expect to hear from Christians about the wacko Klansman in Kansas.
By brittrobson

Aren't most moratoriums really lessatoriums?
By Chris Steller

Pfc Chelsea Manning has spent more time in custody than William Calley, leader of the My Lai massacre that killed more than 340 Vietnamese civilians.
By Chase Madar

This is what a snail shell looks like x 2500 [photo: eye of science]:


By Ziya Tong

A size comparison between the Titanic and a modern cruise ship:


By Chuck Norris

The problem isn't overdiagnosis of ADHD & its ilk, it's underdiagnosis of the adult-imposed need to manage schools like Taylorist factories.
By Zeynep Tufekci

 I don't get this idea that noting the existence of racism is a "weapon." I'm pretty sure racism itself is the weapon, and an effective one.
By Jamil Smith

Pay more attention to compassion and you’ll find you’re happier. It’s that practical and simple.
By Dalai Lama

Do people listen to these guys?


By almightygod

imagine the consequences if "single" didn't rhyme with "mingle"
By Aparna Nancherla

Drugging kids out of daydreaming? I’d like to muster a more eloquent response but srsly fuck ALLL of this.
By Erin Kissane

 I will forever be grateful for being a child in the 1980s, when you could daydream and be strange without it being a disease.
By Sarah Kendzior

"feminism is a cancer" he typed, vaping and chugging mountain dew. "it's killing us men." The microwave dinged, his taquitos were ready
By Nick Mullen

This:


By Sarah Beech

School report card: Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
By Steve Cushing

What message do we send to kids when we acknowledge that at no time during the school day should they be unsupervised?
By Sisyphus38

Just turned on CNBC. Can someone explain why the men wear business suits but the women look like they're heading out for a night on the town?
By Helaine Olen

If only the world would look as hard for a clean alternative to oil and coal as it is for that damn plane we might be alive when they find it.
By Bill Maher

If a pedestrian took up as much space as a car...it would look like this:


By Taras Grescoe

#Autosprawl is not a planning failure, it's just that the plan was for profit not people.
By Free Public Transit

Too often "partnership" means "enforce school procedures at home."
By Sisyphus38

Life of U.S. Born on stolen land. Weaned on stolen labor. Fattened on coal. Drunk on oil. Bragging, swaggering, and lecturing the world.
By Free Public Transit

god i do not miss school at all:


 By Ellis Hamburger

How do you say "Women make less..." but then say "it's worse for Black & Hispanic women..." Yet again: WOMEN = WHITE WOMEN.
By Elon James

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, but teach a man to Fish and he'll drive you crazy asking: "Got any Sevens?"
By Josh Stern

My 8-year-old son knows about software version numbers (e.g. Minecraft 1.7.2) but not decimals. So he thinks all decimals are "a kind of version."
By tomstandage

Danziger's brilliant political cartoon on SCOTUS political donations ruling:

By David Cay Johnston

Scientists tend to be more liberal than the general population. Hypothesis: It's a function of dealing with/accepting uncertainty. -Gallant
By Maggie Koerth-Baker

There is no cost argument against #freetransit, so they are saying it crowds the buses. Yeah, that's the point, then you add more buses.
By Free Public Transit

I don't think they proofread this sign before putting it up...


By Calvin

"You can win the rat race but you're still a rat." —Banksy
By Nikhil Goyal

Pro-Tip: Write down what you are outraged about on a good old-fashioned index card in case you lose battery power or are away from a device.
By pourmecoffee

1. It's not happening.
2. It's happening, but it's natural.
3. It is man-made, but we can deal with it.
4. Why didn't you TELL us?
By Philip Pullman 

A group of pedants is called an "actually."
By NonCombosMentos

This 2002 political cartoon become reality:


By Davey Hobbesian 

All you need to know about American culture is that we explain how magnificently large things are in terms of football fields.
By Neven Mrgan

When I grow up I want to be a worksheet completer. What do you mean there is no such job? Then why the hell have I been doing all these worksheets?
By Sisyphus38

Dept. of Irony:


By pharmagossip

According to 538, movies that pass the Bechdel test make $1.37 to the dollar of movies that only have one or no women.
By Sasha Geffen

If I ever run for office, I think "turn the safety net into a hammock" will be my slogan.
By Matt Bruenig

Can't sleep. Trying to wrap head around history of slavery in the U.S. Made this:


By Tim Maly

"I have never seen a lazy child. What is called laziness is either lack of interest or lack of health." —A.S. Neill
By Nikhil Goyal

"The new generation is lazy and entitled!" - every generation as they start getting saggy and resentful
By Jesse Thorn

5 months [since birth of my daughter] and I'm already sick of the clothing choices being "human" or "PINKGIRL" Ugh.
By Maggie Koerth-Baker

How to stop time: kiss. How to travel in time: read. How to escape time: music. How to feel time: write. How to waste time: social media.
By Matt Haig

Presenting the greatest Venn diagram shirt I've seen in months:


By Wil Wheaton