Sunday, March 20, 2016

Sophistipups: A Dog of a Bracelet

It's been a long time since I posted in the Beyond Kitsch category, but an ad in today's Parade magazine made me do it.

Meet the "Sophistipups" bracelet from the Bradford Exchange:

Here's a unique combination of sophisticated style and sparkling whimsy that is as irresistible as the pups who inspired it. Trend-setting, fashionable and unique, this is a bracelet not to be missed!

Our "Sophistipups" Bracelet is a hinged bangle-style bracelet in gleaming enamel. At each end of the bracelet is a golden head and face of your favorite pup adorned with genuine Swarovski crystals. Each pup also wears a sparkling collar of crystals in a coordinating color. The inside of the bangle is engraved with "My (name of breed) Leaves Pawprints on My Heart" and tiny paw prints. Dangling from one of the "collars" is a hanging heart charm engraved with an expression of love for your loyal friend....

This exclusively-designed bracelet is a remarkable value at $119*. And you can pay for it in 4 convenient monthly installments of $29.75. The bracelet arrives in a velvet jewelry pouch and gift box along with a Certificate of Authenticity. To reserve a bracelet in the breed of your choice, send no money now; just mail in your Reservation Application....
That is some well-crafted low-brow copywriting. I especially appreciate the use of unneeded capital letters on Bracelet, Certificate of Authenticity, and Reservation Application.

Here's a close-up so you can see those irresistible golden [enamel] heads, not to mention the tiny paw prints inside.

Topping off the general kitsch of the concept, note the type used in the layout: there are three fonts in the headline alone, plus others scattered throughout and on the jewelry itself.

It's hard to see in this photo, but in the lower right corner, the caption below the "I Love My Yorkie" heart starts with the letter H in Galadriel, the font used for the word "GLAMOUR" in the headline. Unfortunately, because Galadriel has a very high crossbar, the H looks more like an N or an M. Or maybe it most looks like the Greek letter pi. So the "hanging heart charm" becomes the "panging heart charm," whatever that is.

Here's one last close-up to appreciate how the crystals are incorporated into the various dogs' faces. Topping off the general kitsch level of the product and the ad, notice that the female dogs have been identified with pink crystals inside their ears.

The only positive thing I have to say about this product: It's better than anything sold by Arthur Middleton Capital Holdings in Canton, Ohio. At least a person who buys this dog of a bracelet is getting something that has been designed to their tastes, can see what they're getting in the ad, and knows how much they're paying for it.

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