Twitter as Fall Begins

September is over, but Twitter goes on.

Heterosexual men, you know I think you're the greatest, but please stop doing this forever and ever and ever:

By Julieanne Smolinski

Let's get teachers to follow programs and then wonder why kids are good at procedures but not good at ambiguity.
By Sisyphus38

"Go to a good college to get into a good grad school to get a good job to get into a good nursing home..." --Robert Sapolsky
By David Dalrymple 

A sign your child might be a programmer:


By Kobus Brummer 

Stop chasing professions that are only leading to the corrosion of the planet.
By Nikhil Goyal

Too bad we can't shut down Congress and leave the government folks who provide real services running.
By Jonathan Foley

"Room" = room for cream, "Social" = Social Security number.
By Chris Steller

Authentic learning, AKA the learning that happens most often while not sitting in a desk with a textbook.
By Sisyphus38

Capitalism is one way of organizing human interdependence (via myth of rational self reliance). Alternatives would reorganize our reliances.
By Robin James


Is it just me or are the puzzles on The Guardian website really easy?
By Jamie

If the world is something you accept rather than interpret, then you're susceptible to the influence of charismatic idiots.
By Neil deGrasse Tyson

I am soooo glad I'm not that man right now:


By Rod Dale

Metadata may not catch many terrorists, but it's great at busting journalists' sources, as the @AP case shows.
By Freedom of the Press

Using the word hack when you're a journalist is like a medieval peasant using the word magic to explain something scientific.
By Joel Ross Housman

"NSA employees spying on members of opposite sex goes against everything I know about human nature," said no one ever.
By Tom Tomorrow

If you set up your fingerprint sensor with your tongue print, that's like two levels of theft deterrence. Nobody wants YOUR phone.
By Amy Jane Gruber

Ever wonder how a transatlantic cable is laid? Wonder no more:

By John Resig

So the Iranian president is talking detente with America, and the US and Russia reached a deal on Syria. Will Obama's defeats never cease?
By Max Fisher

Mourn nothing and you're a monster. Mourn everything and you'll crack. Mourn selectively and you've chosen sides.
By Teju Cole

If someone makes a racist/sexist joke, say, with total seriousness, “I don’t get it, can you explain it?” Then watch them crash & burn.
By Louis C.K.

I just read your book F. Scott. Someday I think it will make excellent fodder for a scantron test.
By Sisyphus38

If hating stuff made you happy, it seems like there'd be way more happy people. So far, it looks like that's not working out so great.
By Merlin Mann

"It is not working!" says @tedcruz about Obamacare. GAHHHHHHH IT HASN'T STARTED YET say Americans with brains.
By Jason

Anyone who says you can't buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on books.
By Nikhil Goyal retweeting WstonesOxfordSt

"Hey, nice job picking out this mat. Okay, bye!" -- door-to-door secular humanist.
By Julieanne Smolinski

I think we should all just remember that Dick Butkus is a person and giggle for a minute.
By evelyn pollins

The next time somebody complains about millennials, maybe remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hardwood floors.
By Julieanne Smolinski

Human kindness is already here — it's just not evenly distributed.
By Paul Ford

The correct term for a group of high school students is an Eyeroll of Teens.
By rstevens

Are you bad with people and hate money? Consider grad school!
By rob delaney

"I don't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones." -- John Cage
By Jamie Millard

Great point made in son's college orientation re sex/safety/respect/etc: "Consent is really too low a bar. Hold out for enthusiasm."
By Rachel Vail

Try button-down tops if you love never knowing when your breasts will burst forth like exuberant Dickens characters opening a French window.
By Julieanne Smolinski

I would prefer my kids spend time on music/theater/art than prepping for a standardized test.
By Shana Crosson

"My motto for the home, in education as in life, is this: For heaven’s sake, let people live their own lives." --A.S. Neill
By Nikhil Goyal

Million dollar idea: jeans, but for people with human legs.
By Julieanne Smolinski

Doing great in my Fantasy Football league, in which I fantasize that football is actually a delicious 3-foot hoagie.
By Stephen Colbert

I've never understood those who assert that killing people with chemicals is worse than blowing them to bits with a bomb.
By Neil deGrasse Tyson

I hate germaphobes. The world is a toilet. No one is safe. You think I need to touch you to infect you? You're already dead.
By rob delaney

Trolling student affairs. I want students like this, this term:


By David Wearing

Sure they okay the way they are, but hot glue some ribbon and glitter to them and deer become pretty spectacular.
By Bigfoot TheBigfoot

Someone went to a grocery store once and described it to someone who had never been to a grocery store, and Aldi is what they imagined.
By §

Women need to understand that "boys will be boys"? No. Men need to understand that pass expires when you're no longer a boy.
By Gina Trapani

The idea that people should have to "work" 80 hours a week at a horseshit "job" to earn a living is so dumb it hurts.
By umair haque

I like when people say that men are "visual creatures," because women aren't and that's why we'll often just blindly lick at your hair.
By Julieanne Smolinski

Sorry you were offended by what we said when you shouldn't have been because the way we meant it wasn't at all offensive.
By Gina Trapani

Nice yarn bomb on 36th & Bryant. I like subtlety in my non-sanctioned public art:


By Ali Lozoff

FACT: 100% of people telling me Europe/Canada/UK health care involves deadly-long wait lists, rationing, "death panels" are US residents.
By Christopher Keelty

FACT 2: 0% of Canadians/Europeans I've heard from back up American criticism about their health care systems.
By Christopher Keelty

One of the common ironies of our time: GOPer accusing Dem of "dividing the city" by pointing out the divide.
By Robert O. Simonson (discussing the New York City mayor's race)

If food waste were a country, it would emit more greenhouse gas than any other except China, U.S., per UN report.
By ProPublica

Just think of the brogrammer stories we've heard this week. Now imagine those guys get NSA gigs. Everybody comfortable with that?
By Tom Tomorrow

THIS is exactly the point, perfectly stated. #feminism #respect:


By snipe ツ

Toby has learned this rhyme from daycare: "You get what you get and you don't get upset." Useful for a toddler, strangely Republican though.
By Paul Fidalgo

Why Headlines Start with Why
By Chris Steller

So did it just never occur to us until now to ask Syria to turn over their chemical weapons? I'm confused.
By Jonathan Blake

Right now, the best individual plan I can get is $240 a month. $5k deductible. 20% after that. And no coverage for "pre-existing."
By Molly Priesmeyer

I am the poster child for Obamacare. My premiums and deductible go down. My "pre-existings" go away. Goodbye, $5k deductible and 20%!
By Molly Priesmeyer

Corgi, cuddling with a toy:


By Emergency Cute Stuff

The right to possess and use strong crypto is even *more* in line with the spirit of the 2nd Amendment than gun ownership itself.
By Parker Higgins

Sometimes I worry I'm not good enough to suffer from imposter syndrome.
By Pinboard

"This painting is not available in your country." New artwork for the @EFF office:


By Maira Sutton

Amazing, really, how often people get ‘freedom of speech’ confused with ‘freedom from consequences.’
By bobbie johnson

Is it weird that I hate the word "squee." Because I think it might be the worst.
By Kate N.G. Sommers

I love what the phrase "conscience vote" implies about 99% of other votes.
By Benjy_Sarlin

Prediction: Metaphorical use of the word bookend will outlive use of actual bookends.
By Chris Steller

You are now running on reserve anger. You need to connect your computer to Twitter. If you don't, you will become happy in a few minutes.
By Gary Bernhardt

Feminist posts ... this, EVERY SINGLE TIME:


By Sarah Caseberry

Don't die a virgin! Terrorists are up there waiting for you.
By Slip Nuts™

America magically somehow gives a "market value" to public transit but gives "socialism" for highways.
By jibreel riley

I thought it was impressive when Obama turned Republicans against golf. But now he's even turned them against war.
By Molly Ball

If Flickr can afford to host 1 terabyte of my photos, why is Wells Fargo unable to store more than 18 months of my banking transactions?
By Harry McCracken

Tip: rename your hard drive “jihad plans” for free remote backups in the US and UK.
By Matt Legend Gemmell

How to be a better photographer: Physically get near something that’s interesting.
By Dan Cederholm

On Labor Day we give thanks to the immigrants who fought for working conditions we circumvent by sending jobs to the countries they escaped.
By Mike Monteiro

"For those of you who are tired of hearing about racism, imagine how much more tired we are constantly experiencing it." -- Barbara Smith
By Henry Louis Gates Jr

Star Wars (1977, PG) a group of terrorists enlist the aid of a drug smuggler and a religious fanatic to bomb the seat of governmental power.
By S. Flaherty

"When I was a boy, I had to walk uphill to school... BOTH WAYS!" -- M. C. Escher
By Jason Sweeney

Turns out that my daughter has always thought that Arby's is a hat shop.
By Mike Morrow

I wonder why the American news media shows us dead kids in the run-up to war but stops showing us dead kids once America gets its war.
By David Feldman

A Common Problem That I Didn't Give a Shit About Until It Happened To Me
By False Medium