Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Tweets from a Late Winter that Should Have Been Spring

April was a cruel, cruel month in Minnesota. We got record amounts of snow and the temperatures refused to go above 40 until the last few days. And -- get this -- it may snow a few more inches on Wednesday night (which is officially in May, but I'm overlooking that).

The tweets were, as usual, sweet and sour.

Let me tell you a story about this one time a friend used anecdotal data, and it worked out great for them.
By Pinboard

Young white man sound asleep with striped kitten asleep on his neck and shoulders
By Dan Taylor

The Prominent Chins #BandNames
By Chris Steller

Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading.
By Lena Dunham

Tim Tebow is fired the same day an NBA player announces he's gay. Man, Jesus must be on vacation this week.
By Jenny

Springtime means the return of whatever bird it is that sounds like a car fob noise going off over and over again.
By Tom Tomorrow

Economics trumps moral outrage. As long as billions of people want the sprawl lifestyle, energy companies will rule.
By Free Public Transit

Gar Alperovitz: "It's easy to join the movement when it's moving." The hard work of building the new economy starts now.
By Amanda Thomas

Is your community resilient? What does that mean? It means you are ready when the long-distance food stops rolling in.
By Free Public Transit

And for our next trick, Autocorrect and I will once again change a protip into a protoplasm and back again.
By Chris Steller

Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
4-year-old: …
Me: …
4yo: ...
Me: …
4-year-old: I don't have any other feet.
Me: Fair enough.
By Dr. Jack J. Snow
Because of competition and private property, we have wasted the oil in 200 years that could have lasted 200,000.
By Free Public Transit

You knew the sequester could not stand once it started inconveniencing Platinum Medallion 9 Star Admiral Miles Members.
By hodgman

Maybe unemployed people should try standing on runways.
By Binyamin Appelbaum

AMERICA WILL NOT LET BUSINESS TRAVELERS LANGUISH FOR HOURS! That's for cancer patients and disabled vets and immobile seniors.
By Pete Nicely

Do we call highways subsidized? They are not. They are an investment. Public schools? No. Public transit is not subsidized.
By Free Public Transit

For all the panicking we do about foreign terrorists, we're most likely to be killed at home by someone we know.
By Jamil Smith

Not sure how hogwash wound up getting such a bad rap. It's really the only way to deal with a dirty hog.
By Tim Carvell

City shuts down for one armed teen. Market liquidity vanishes after a false tweet. Radical vulnerability, act one, scene one.
By Teju Cole

If web designers made doors, the knob would be invisible until you reach for it.
By Tom Wuttke

Tom Cruise is the same age now that Wilford Brimley was when he filmed Cocoon.
By Joel Ross Housman

Men who suffer from depression are interesting, quirky, brooding. Women who do are a "mess" and "share too much." Women: you say this.
By Molly Priesmeyer

Cancer is a biological process of cells refusing to do what they should inside our bodies, not a "fight" that weaker souls among us "lose."
By Xeni Jardin

If you're happy and you know it... it's a sin.
By almightygod

LOL gross men on the street. Joke's on you cuz you're catcalling at my ass which basically protects my b-hole & at my breasts which are sacks of fat.
By Jessica R. Williams

( . ) ( . ) #fatsacks
By Jessica R. Williams

Superscript "th" "nd" "st" and "rd" #firstworldproblems
By Chris Steller

All of my students spell ludicrous as "ludacris". All of them.
By Beatrice Marovich

In a car-free city, every other street can be a park or garden. #permaculture
By Free Public Transit

People worry about conservatives clinging to their guns. A bigger problem is liberals clinging to their suburbs. #autosprawl #transition
By Free Public Transit

Boy, a 100 blade bulk pack of X-acto blades sure lasts a lot longer than it used to. I think I bought this one in the eighties.
By Mark Simonson

A Neil Diamond sing-along at a ball game strikes me as a much better terrorist attack aftermath than invading Iraq.
By Frank Conniff

We must treat criminals, accused or convicted, with a degree of dignity that feels unwarranted. That’s the cost of the moral high ground.
By Daniel Jalkut

"If you stop someone from doing what they are passionate about, they will not 'redirect' that energy into what you want them to be doing."
By Nikhil Goyal

One of biggest drivers behind sprawl is the mass sale of consumer products - eg: one leaf blower for each house.
By Free Public Transit

The GOP is the Gas & Oil Party. They do all the gays, guns, and god stuff to keep you talking about anything but #autosprawlsubsidy.
By Free Public Transit

RT @Jason_Dayton "Yes the planet was destroyed, but for a brief moment we created value for the share holders"
By Chris Oien

The IRS brings in more than $200 for each $ it costs, so cutting its budget worsens the deficit.
By David Cay Johnston

Does the word "Crème Brûlée" have all those accents to keep the pigeons from sitting on top of it?
By Rob Baedeker

Cartoon in the style of Kate Beaton's Hark! A Vagrant with Baron von Harkonnen instead, floating on suspensors
Harkonnen! A Vagrant
By Johnny Ryan [props to Kate Beaton]

The problem with making new friends as you get older is that everything about you just becomes too damn long a story.
By Buzz Andersen

When they said Caucasian they meant Caucasian.
By Chris Steller

It is almost as though our present political system is entirely incapable of representing the views of a modern urbanized society.
By Erin Kissane

Beginning to think that getting your news a day later on a piece of paper really was the way to go.
By Matt Johnson

Sometimes I worry that I live in a dysfunctional country.
By Ryan Dow

I miss the days when terrible things happening thousands of miles away seemed less real.
By pete hautman

Would you pay 0.6% more in tax to take 10% of the cars out of your town center? That is the cost/benefit of free transit.
By Free Public Transit

So how's that not-reforming-filibuster thing working out for ya Harry Reid?
By Tom Tomorrow

In times of tragedy Twitter should go into Quaker mode. Shut up or be meaningful.
By Mike Monteiro

My favorite part of Game of Thrones: Shae's bad made-up accent sounds just like Star Trek: The Next Generation's Counselor Deanna Troi's bad made-up accent.
By Okay Type

I worry more about the middle-aged men who believe if Abe Lincoln were alive today he’d be a Republican.
By Mike Monteiro

Additional bowl thought: spoons just little bowls on end of stick.
By Bigfoot TheBigfoot

What were the people on Easter Island thinking as they cut down the last trees? -- What are you thinking right now?
By Free Public Transit

Crime doesn't pay, because when it does, they call it something else.
By Free Public Transit

When students cheat on exams it's because our school system values grades more than students value learning.
By Neil deGrasse Tyson

There's an alternative internet where Arab taxi drivers write about their amusing encounters with foreign reporters & their simple worldview
By Karl Sharro

"Ronald Reagan!" --Scooby Doo, asked to name the lead singer in Steely Dan
By Ken Jennings

The best opportunity for meeting future food demands? GMOs? Organic? Aquaponics? Nope. Reducing food waste, and rethinking diets/biofuels.
By Jonathan Foley

Home is where you hang your hat, so my home is the eliptical trainer I haven't used in 18 months.
By Stephen Colbert

Peeve: the entire concept of a "personal brand." I mean, are you a product, or a person?
By Stacey Burns

Nothing is free? Think again. Carbon emissions have been "free" for years. Let's rebalance with free transit.
By Free Public Transit

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I would probably opt for living. It just seems like it'd be a more engaging evening.
By Tim Carvell

Idea: get the world's best scientists, force them to live in LA for a month, and they'll get so frustrated that they invent teleportation.
By Remina West

Allergy sufferers: your body is reacting to and expelling inhaled tree sperm. Non-allergy sufferers: your body happily absorbs tree sperm.

1. Cramped neck on the flight out 2. Buy neck pillow on the flight back 3. Repeat every time you fly 4. Neck Pillow Museum
By Neven Mrgan

The Clean Air Act has the best ratio of costs to benefits of any federal regulation.
By Beth Mercer-Taylor

Urban design has a big impact on air quality. Not "compactness" but "contiguous." More contiguous = less air pollution.
By Jonathan Foley

Think about how to let people do things instead of how to make them do things.
By Chris Oien

This is why we don't need a "Conversation On Race." Very few Americans know enough to hold a "Conversation On Race."
By Ta-Nehisi Coates

If we did hold a conversation, the first thing we'd realize is we don't need a "Conversation On Race," we need a "Conversation On Racism." We'd start there.
By Ta-Nehisi Coates

The Revolutionary War also happened a long time ago. So stop celebrating on the 4th. We only hate history when its inconvenient.
By Ta-Nehisi Coates

So very tired of stock photography.
By Tom Tomorrow

Twitter should have a third option besides Retweet and Favorite that would let you automatically nominate the person for president.
By Chris Steller 

Cher fans are confusing the hashtag #NowThatchersDead with #NowThatChersDead. Oh, Twitter, you crack me up.
By Andy Kroll

The term "thought leader" needs to die. Right now. Each time you write or say "thought leader," George Orwell turns in his grave.
By Andy Kroll

Why is it always a mad scientist who wants to take over the world? Why not a mad anthropologist or economist?
By Jonathan Foley

I want a @maggiekb1 action figure.
By Melanie Mallon

Technology is a testament to the uselessness of prayer.--PZ Myers
By Quirkythrope

Please, Facebook, stop working on phones and start working on Snopes integration.
By Greg Fodor

Experimentation in education reform (without evidence) should not be called innovation. It is stupidity.
By Pasi Sahlberg

Social justice is hard work that also requires a sense of humor. Life is just too damn short to engage the humorless.
By Jessica Pieklo

Waiter! This Hell is not fresh!
By Chris Steller

Writers/artists: Quit doing stuff for free/little pay. Quit devaluing your work. People making plastic crap get paid more.
By Molly Priesmeyer

Early in my science career, I sat down next to a very nice elderly woman on plane one day, and she asked me what I did for a living...
By Jonathan Foley

I said, "I model the earth's climate and ecosystems." She looked confused and was silent for a while. Then she asked, "What do you wear?"
By Jonathan Foley

That was my first, best lesson in science communication.
By Jonathan Foley

“The plural of morons is focus groups.” —@beep
By Mike Monteiro

Happy Easter to my Christian friends who believe in resurrection yet evolution seems like witchcraft.
By Mike Monteiro

Right behind pretending to be religious. RT @DailyGrumbles Fun Fact: Not Religious is fastest growing religious demographic in US.
By W. Kamau Bell
North Americans use more electricity on Christmas lights than the yearly usage of the entire African continent.
By Injustice Facts

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