More Tweets for the Tweet

It's been a few months since I regaled you with the best of my Twitter feed. Here we go again.

Imagine the most beautiful scene ever. Now paint it. Now you understand why your "awesome idea for an app" is 1% of the work done.
By Geordie Guy

And this, also about writing apps:

"How much does it cost to design an app?" is like asking how many jellybeans are in the jar without even showing me the jar.
By Jessie Char

Why do we charge people for saving energy and the environment, while cars dump carbon for free?
By Free Public Transit

In baseball, if a pitch hits you on ball four, you should get to advance to second base.
By Neil deGrasse Tyson

The aliens were planning a visit...until they saw a yard with a "keep off grass" sign and were too embarrassed for our species.
By Molly Priesmeyer

American prisons produce 93% of domestically used paints, 36% of home appliances, 21% of office furniture.
By Injustice Facts

Man to his daughter, right in front of me: "There's nothing here for you. This is a boy's store." You bet yr ass I gave her a free comic
By Kate Leth

I always thought that "I'm getting a rental from the Redbox" was a polite way of saying "I'm having my period."
By Jelisa Castrodale

Just once I'd like to see a retaurant's PR release say "focusing on upmarked frozen Sysco ingredients in a super formal setting".
By Neven Mrgan

"Please don't pick up, please don't pick up, please don't pick up." —What I feel when I call anyone, ever, for anything.
By Scott Simpson

Fiscal Conservatism: the idea that it is more responsible to borrow from poor people in Communist China than to tax wealthy US Capitalists.
By polymath22

House and Senate have adjourned for holiday so if you need something made worse or named after Reagan you are out of luck.
By pourmecoffee

Suburbia: where stuff 15 miles away is considered "pretty close" but you need a car to cross the street.
By Rob Pitingolo

sufficiently advanced trolling is indistinguishable from thought leadership
By Cliff Moon

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is easily the worst thing to ever happen to President Lincoln in a theater
By jason funk

Libertarians are like kids who run for student body president and make promises like unlimited pizza and no homework.
By Jessie Char

I get less annoyed with tourists when I think of them as new users.
By Paul Ford

IF OBAMA GETS REELECTED I SWEAR I'M MOVING TO *checks list of countries more libertarian than the US* TRANS-SOMALIAN DISPUTED ZONE #TEAPARTY
By jacques lacanine [great Twitter handle, by the way]

I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
By matt

I asked my wife to get me a newspaper. She said to get with the times and use her iPad. That spider never knew what fucking hit it.
By Chris Burns

Q: How do you know if someone is on the Paleo Diet? A: They’ll tell you.
By Jordan Kay

If you say you love "The Wire" but are still a line-toeing corporate fuckface, then what did you like about "The Wire"? The sassy hairdos?
By Scott Simpson

When I read a tweet, I either think "I wish I wrote that" or "I no longer believe in freedom of speech."
By rob delaney