Wednesday, November 25, 2009

How Bad Can One Sentence Be?

Check out this sentence, from a question recently fielded in the Outside Consultant column in the Star Tribune's business section:

I design and sell inspirational jewelry for mothers and women battling weight loss, infertility and cancer on my website.

I believe that's what's called a dangling modifier. (Unless the writer's website includes a new web app with startling medicinal powers.)

And according to my recollection of set theory and knowledge of human genders, I think the set "women" includes the set "mothers."

No, wait a minute, it's worse than I thought. I just checked the questioner's website and now realize she meant that the jewelry is for mothers generally and also for women battling the aforementioned conditions. I didn't get that from the sentence at all.

Are there any editors left at the Strib?

2 comments:

  1. Wow. That is pretty bad. I'm with you in that I didn't get that from her sentence at all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. can you edit the writings of my graduate students?

    ReplyDelete

Comments are moderated, so don't be surprised when yours doesn't appear immediately. Please only submit once.