How to Use Three Words Where One Would Do

I watched Law & Order and most of its spin-offs for a dozen or so years, many of the episodes more than once. As a result, every actor working today looks familiar to me -- because they've all been on Law & Order at least once. (Really. You can check imdb.com if you don't believe me.)

So it was a moment of both recognition and amusement when I saw this post on boingboing.net yesterday. It was originally written to an audience of police, who frequently testify in court cases:

Make up some flash cards. On one side, write a phrase or sentence the way you now talk on the stand. On the other side, write the same phrase in plain English. Have one of your kids work with you with your flash cards. It'll be a nice Hallmark family moment. I'll help you get started.

• He indicated... He said
• I have been employed by... I worked for
• I exited the patrol vehicle... I got out of the car
• I observed... I saw
• I ascertained the location of the residence... I found the house
• I proceeded to the vicinity of... I went to
• I approached the entrance... I went to the door
• The subject approached me... She came up to me
• I apprehended the perpetrator... I arrested the man
• I obtained an item that purported to be an envelope from the individual... I got the envelope from her
• I observed the subject fleeing on foot from the location... I saw him running away

This passage, from a site called officer.com, was written by a woman who trains police. She's trying to get them to use plain English when they testify, because all this verbosity is decreasing their credibility (and, I imagine, their sheer intelligibility) with juries.

Gee, I just love that bit about an "item that purported to be an envelope"!