Napoleon Perdis, Selling It Like It Is

I don't know Allison Kaplan, style writer for the Pioneer Press, but sometimes I can't help believing that she and I have little in common. Sunday was one of those days.

Her story, "The Mascara Is the Message," introduces us to Napoleon Perdis, who has a new line of makeup at Target. Basically this is a story shilling for one of the paper's major advertisers (perhaps understandable but not laudable), so I know I shouldn't expect much, and normally I wouldn't even have read it. But I found the guy in the photo so singularly unattractive, I couldn't help wanting to know what he had to say about making women more attractive.

It's bad enough when the lead tells us about Perdis's mantras, such as "Not to prime is a crime" and "Mascara first." (That's right, we not only need foundation, we need a coat of primer beforehand... and Perdis thinks mascara comes even before coffee because "It's an empowerment message.")

The guy is obviously in the business of selling cheap chemicals in expensive packaging, things that no one really needs, and that add to the bloat and crap our culture is spewing on a daily basis. But that's not what made me write this. No, I would have ignored the article if it weren't for these words from Perdis:

"I hate women who do nothing. At least moisturize and wear lip gloss. I don't want to see your bad skin. Inspire me. Your husband might be telling you he likes you natural, but he's down at the club with the girl with the red lipstick."

Wow, hate is a strong word for something so trivial, don't you think? And that last sentence -- it's just breathlessly rude and assuming.

On the other hand, I suppose I should be happy to see someone from the beauty industry sum up its shallowness so succinctly.